I couldn't be there for my former Master's student graduation, so I wrote her a speech that was delivered today by her other supervisor, Branka. Wishing her a fantastic future wherever she may go :-)
--
Meryl Varadinov is awesome.
A 5 minute speech will not do her justice, unfortunately, but we will have to make do.
By the way, I'm not her supervisor. Sasha, Meryl's supervisor, wrote this cheeky speech from the cold depths of Estonia, and he apologises profusely for not being able to be here to give it in person. Although, on second thought, he could have done it over Skype, especially since that company is from Estonia. Anyway, it probably would not have worked because of Murphy's first (and last) law - the toast always falls on the buttered side, and video-conferencing always breaks at the most crucial moment.
Anyway, back to Meryl. You now know she is awesome. However, some of you might not know why.
Meryl is awesome because she fiercely believes in great science. Great science is where it does not matter whether your p value is above or below 0.05, but what matters is the truth. Someone once said that in war, the first thing that dies is the truth. You could not substitute Meryl for war, because Meryl is too honest to compromise. You can tell from her sarcastic comments in the face of adversity, and in the face of her supervisors, like me (well, not me, but the guy in Estonia).
Meryl is awesome because she is greater than her work. She's not just a scientist, but she's also an activist for peace, democracy and all the things that matter in this world. Which means she's also an activist for lolcats. She's battled for truth in the streets of Sofia. That's in Bulgaria for those amongst you who are crap at geography, like her supervisor. If you are not crap at Latin as well, you will know that "sofia" means wisdom in Greek. And Meryl is wise beyond her years. She reads between the lines when she reads the news, and watches between the pixels when she watches TV.
Meryl is awesome because she keeps on getting better and better every day. By the end of this speech she will be uber-awesome. She's never stuck in one place, she absorbs knowledge and skills like a sea sponge absorbs sea water and water pollution. Except that knowledge and skills are good and sea pollution is bad. When she started her master's degree she could not program at all, but in a few months she learned to do it like a pro. She still has to earn the rest of the letters in "professional", but I'm certain she will be one of the most awesome programmers in the building by the end of her PhD.
Meryl is awesome because she managed to turn a bearded mad scientist project starring Gwyneth Paltrow, and analysis code filled with "mews", "woofs" and other animal sounds into a "great success". As Doge would say: Much Hippocampus activation. So Multiple Comparison Corrected. Wow. And that's even more amazing when you realise that Gwyneth Paltrow is on Meryl's most un-wanted list...
Meryl is awesome because of a 1001 more reasons. Yes, one thousand and one, not nine, as the speech is not written in binary, but in the decimal system. Anyway, you will have to make do with the above four reasons. Here's the abstract, which you always write at the end: Meryl is awesome because of her scientific integrity, her passion, her intelligence and her motivation.
Given how solemn and serious a graduation event is, her supervisor should have probably written a solemn and serious speech for her to "celebrate her merits and accomplishmens". Please read the bit between bunny ears with a posh British accent. Oi, you are not supposed to read this bit! Anyway, a serious and solment speech can't do Meryl justice, because she's not just well rounded and generally excellent. She's also awesome.
Now guys, what are you waiting for? Give her the applause she deserves.
No comments:
Post a Comment